Still plugging along...

I don't really think that this week was quite as interesting as the one before, and interestingly enough I struggle to recall the details as I start this update. But never fear! I imagine they will come to me as I move along.

This week was the first week where I attempted to do straight instruction; TFA had warned us that we would spend the first several weeks of school doing nothing of substance other than establishing procedures, and this turned out to be the case for me as well. I started a story out of our reading textbooks on Monday with a spelling test and a preview of the selection vocabulary. I assigned homework more regularly than ever before, which meant that the papers piled up quickly. I think my students managed to learn a few things along the way, but our behavior issues still proved to be a substantial obstacle. I could not get through the lessons as smoothly or as timely with my behavior-challenged class as I did with my homeroom, though my homeroom also struggled with the structure. I can only hope that this aspect will improve as we settle into a routine, which is still lacking to the extent I would prefer. I pray that we will get there sooner rather than later!

The school was in a tizzy a few times this week as our superintendent made some unexpected visits. I am sure he is a nice guy and a respectable leader, but all that I can gather from his presence is one of pure intimidation. He strikes me as the type of person I never want to meet, unless he is in charge of granting some type of award or recognition, in which case I would KNOW that I wasn't in trouble. Any other type of meeting would probably make me break out in anticipatory sweats as I wait for this fierce power to break his tablet over my head. And don't worry; I'm not the only one who gets nervous at the very mention of the superintendent's name. I have never seen so many grown, experienced teachers suddenly turn to hyped-up, shaky children as the news spread that the superintendent was in the building. I personally prayed with fervent energy that he would not walk into my class at a moment of chaos, which was the state of my classroom most of the time. Thankfully, I was spared that embarrassment....this time....

Tuesday was probably the lowest point of the year thus far. I was exhausted by my attempts to gain control over my students and to get through one simple lesson. My co-teacher had suggested that I teach around and ignore the misbehavior, but that is more complicated than it seems. I am fully aware of my high standards by now, and so are my students, but we still have not settled on the terms for making this work. My heart constantly goes out to the students who are already prepared to learn and who beg their classmates to be quiet and listen, AND who beg me to pour all of the "caught being good" beans out of the jar. By the end of last week, I was not the only one trying to bribe the miscreants, but all of us still failed. These challenges persisted into this new week, and left me completely drained by Tuesday. But what really bothered me was the realization that I had not yet seen the bottom of this teaching free-fall. Some day, when I least expect it, I will find the bottom, but I bet even then I will think that I have even deeper to go.

Wednesday was an entirely new experience for me, which is saying a lot given the warp speed at which I have moved since June. My misbehavior class was suddenly incredible; I couldn't even believe the transformation that had come over them. I can tell you I did nothing different, because I had tried positive reinforcement everyday before, but something about this day was magical for my students. They earned stickers galore and their bean jar was half full by lunch (compared to empty by the end of Tuesday). I was so tickled by the sudden change that I got out my stamp that says, "Super!" and proceeded to tattoo their hands and arms with it. They were completely enamored with this reward, and begged me to stamp them again and again. I refrained, fearful of a confused parent's admonishments or a random ink allergy (you never know), but they loved it all the same. But then, at some point during lunch, four little boys were teasing one little girl, who burst into tears. I couldn't make any sense of who started what, who was actually involved, and what were the meanings behind the unfamiliar derogatory jabs they used. Cognizant of my lacking racial awareness in this territory, I referred all five of them to the office, and even the principal struggled to find coherence in the scene. But I think that one ended justly.

Simultaneously as this incident, a similar uproar erupted at the opposite end of the table as another little girl burst into tears, this time at the taunting of four little girls. But unlike the previous event, absolutely no resolution could be found. Just as I had done with the other tearful child, I pulled victim #2 to the side, asking for the cause of the disruption. All I could get from her was that "the devil, the enemy, was making her do mean things" to another little girl, who I had thought was the instigator. It was at this point that I left behind all semi-familiar territory and entered a bewildering new arena. I honestly had no idea how to handle it in the moment, but upon reporting the incident to my principal at the end of the day, I ended up referring the girl to the school counselor. My principal was surprised to a point, but upon reflection she found the girl's behavior fitting with odd circumstances of previous years. I too find the girl slightly odd; I have caught her many times in the process of taunting or bullying another student, but as soon as I reprimand her on it, she gets a huge, doe-eyed, innocent expression on her face. This automatic response had always tested my patience, but since Wednesday I can honestly say that her wide-eyed expression drives me insane. She should save this funny business for poorly made horror films.

And after lunch on Wednesday, the good behavior in my misbehavior class continued with a surprising enthusiasm. I was starting to think I was getting somewhere, and I was overwhelmingly thrilled. BUT, in the same amount of time it takes to flip a light switch, this class went from the best day they have ever had to the single WORST day they could ever possibly experience. Without any perceived trigger, the room combusted into chaos; a handful of girls started crying, several others started screaming, a fight broke out in the back of the room, boys were rolling on the floor, and the rest were variously contributing to the noise and tumult. One little girl asked me if she could go get the principal, which I tried to avoid for a few minutes, but ultimately agreed that might be the best course. Eventually they calmed down enough to switch classrooms, but the principal never came and my best day on record quickly became the oddest combination of factors I had ever seen in my life. As it stands now, no real progress has been made with that class...

Other interesting highlights: 1) I had to tell one little boy to stop trapsing the floor on his knees because he was getting all dirty. Shortly thereafter, I noticed the strong odor of hand sanitizer, only to find him once again on the floor, this time giving himself a substantial bath in sanitizer... 2) Another little boy decided it would be a good idea to eat a marker, which made him look like he was wearing lipstick and stained his mouth a brownish color. Another student brought him to my attention, and when I asked the marker-eater incredulously, "You ate a marker?!" he just smiled up at me as if I had just thanked him warmly for giving me the complete works of Shakespeare. Thankfully, the marker was not toxic...

Today I attended the Real Faith Christian Church, where one of my students was getting baptized and another sang in the choir. It was the closest glimpse into Southern black culture I had ever experienced, and gave me new insight into the family life of many of my students. As I sat through the three-hour service, I spent a great deal of time pondering how I could possibly use these new understandings to better serve my students, without too much success. But we shall see as the weeks progress...